to Euphoria Falls
In lines drawn long
with fingers on skin
Chart out its valleys
and steep elevations
Your pen is skilled,
your ink a generous flow
Each stroke marks out territories
that only you know
Your gift is cartography
and I am your paper
Make me your map
of our explorations
Yeah I fucking thought so.
I want to see the beast in the beauty.
The half smile, half snarl. The unapologetic anger. I would like to see the man forgive the monster. To see her, blood and all, and love her anyway.”
- me: *hugging TC goodbye as he's leaving for work*
- me: MMmmm, this shirt feels really nice!
- TC: *smoothing a hand over his button down shirt that I ironed the night before*
- TC: Yes, it does. It feels very nice from the inside, too. I'm not gonna lie, I could get used to this.
- me: *smiling a gushy smile for making him feel good*
- TC: But I won't require it.
- me: *swoon* *and clench* *and dampen*
- It's not what he said, but how <3
- me: *flashes TC and gives a tweak or two*
- TC: *drawn to me like a magnet*
- TC: *eventually pulls himself away to get on with his errands*
- TC: EVERY. TIME. I leave....!
- me: *giggling and following him to the door*
- me: I just want you to know I LONG for you.
- TC: So do I...Literally.
- me: *bursts out laughing*
- TC: *Looking accomplished*
Aw :( I hope none of us made you feel that way. Social media is a strange beast. Really, we get out of it what we put in to it. I’ve basically posted nothing for 3-4 months and aside from a few notes from you and a couple others, there has been very, very little activity on my account. And the last couple things I did post got virtually no response, compared to months ago. I am grateful for those who take the time to read and make a little note, but I know there are others who don’t like to click on a post if it doesn’t move them. So in the end, I simply choose to receive what I get and not care otherwise.
My identity (my sense of self, my worth, my place and purpose in life) is not based on, found in, or nourished in any way by what kind of response I get here. I am a real, tangible person, first and foremost, with a life and needs and feelings. What I share here is a fraction of my whole self—an important part and absolutely genuine, 100%—but still just a sliver. I hope you can find space to think, release, process here with good feedback, even if it’s from a small few, and to let that work its way into the feet-to-the-floor life. I’m glad you’re back.
Squeezing his bare manhood and “honking” like a bike horn, while *hilarious* to me, is not appreciated by him.
However…the resulting consequences were outrageously fun, and hot.
You know you’ve been binge-watching Harry Potter when you hear a high pitched noise and your immediate thought is,
"WHERE is that horcrux!?"
Hi everyone, thank you for your really kind notes. They mean a lot to me. Things are really hard right now. I’m just trying to let go of control, not just in a D/s sense but in general as well, and coast, roll with it, whatever terms make sense to you.
Because I like you all so much, and because maybe some of you are dealing with similar things and need another person to touch base with, here’s what is spinning in my universe right now:
First, our internet has been very, very dodgy lately so it’s really hit or miss (mostly miss) that I can even access the Out There. Also, I’ve been coping with a lot of anxiety, which I don’t really understand and makes me kind of pissed. It’s like the biological sensation of anxiety, without reason, and that’s really frustrating. And because there’s no reason, it’s not like I can reason (rationalize) myself out of it. It’s nonsense, but it’s there all the same.
I’m also really stressed out which, no doubt, feeds or possibly even causes the anxiety on some level. I have some on-going health issues (drs appt scheduled and counting…), and am coming to terms with some things I believe Thing 1 is dealing with. It seems to be a chain link of high sensitivity, sensory processing disorder, attachment disorder, separation anxiety, respectively. I’m just fucking exhausted. It’s too complicated to explain how I feel and why but some of you probably get it.
Also my brother killed himself three years ago today. Obviously that’s shit.
Thing 2’s bday is in a wk, and I’ve planned nothing, bought nothing, and my house is out of sorts. So….keep sending me notes, they give me a lift when I’m able to actually see them. I keep holding out that one day things will find a groove again, or I’ll be able to adjust to this new normal. Right now I’m just really tired and kinda sad, not feeling present or like myself, and that’s the worst part of it for me. I feel like I can take anything on when I’m myself. Anyway, maybe some of you understand that, too. <3